I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
