remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize