I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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