i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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