You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
