bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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