Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
