my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
