i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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