her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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