well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
