tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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