Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
