Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
