but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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