Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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