Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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