im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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