Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
