I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
