My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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