I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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