i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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