I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
