You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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