you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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