hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
