I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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