We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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