I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
