She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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