if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
