I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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