youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
