Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
