lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
