I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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