ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
