i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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