No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
