Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
