My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So drunk its hurt
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
