Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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