Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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