I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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