A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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