I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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