Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just high enough for therapy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
