nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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