it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize