ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
