my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
