Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
