I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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