How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
