There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
