I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have aggressive nipples.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
