I hate all girls vehemently.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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