if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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