Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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