Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
