I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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