So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
