Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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