man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize