Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
