OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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