that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You pole danced in your parka.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
