I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
