Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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