i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
