You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
