So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
