weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
