I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
