So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She's the barista slut.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
