you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
