He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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