Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
