She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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