i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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