remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
