i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
40s are totally the cure
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
