She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
