I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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