Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So. Much. Porn.
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