final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
