I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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